he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
