ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
