if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
