In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
