Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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