my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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