It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
