Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
