I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
