hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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