I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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