Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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