the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
