I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
