Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
