her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize