so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize