I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
