just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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