and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
