I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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