I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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