well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
