i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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