Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
