thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
