just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
