So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
