It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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