There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
