I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
