She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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