The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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