she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
