Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
