I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
