Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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