Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
