Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
