i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
