im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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