No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
