so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
