yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
