You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So many bounce houses so little time
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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