so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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