Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.

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(330): View more from Ohio

what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

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(505): View more from New Mexico

They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.

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(510): View more from California

she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong

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(660): View more from Missouri

How did you make it to work sans hangover?

(816): View more from Missouri

4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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(714): View more from California

my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.

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(620): View more from Kansas

He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.

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(785): View more from Kansas

How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.

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(404): View more from Georgia

My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces

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