I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
