I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
