i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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