I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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