At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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