Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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