so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Come on in and take your pants off
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