he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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