Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
