i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
