He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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