3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
