i'm signing you up for texting rehab
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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