I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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