I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize