even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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