had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
