The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
