Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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