wakey wakey hands off snakey
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As shirtless as possible
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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