i need an iv and a liver transplant
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize