12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
